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  • Camilla Coakley, LCSW

How Do you want to feel?

Goals are often lofty and can go unmet. Goals can be very overwhelming. Instead of focusing just on goals, let's start by focusing on how y

I often have my clients write out the feelings they want to feel more of. Examples include flow, confident, organized, happy. I often ask what's underneath a feeling... for example the "happy", what is underneath that feeling? What feeling supports you feeling happy? Often when I ask this question people might say that it is the feeling of accomplishment, or being at peace, or feeling strong is what is underneath them feeling happy.

I have clients write their core-desired-feelings on post-it notes and place them throughout their home, office and car to serve as reminders.

Then I encourage my clients to ask themselves before any task, behavior or choice: "how is this supporting me in feeling the way I want to feel?" Is it supporting or is it actually taking away from how you want to feel? The key is to build awareness.

Finally, we explore what achieving their goals would allow them to feel. You see, goals are met in the little things we do daily. We need to embrace and recognize cultivating the feelings we ultimately want to have in the day-to-day. This will help shift your perspective about a daunting goal. Instead of thinking: "I will only be happy once I acheive xxx goal, you can begin to recognize the moments where you actually feel what you want to feel.

These moments are building the foundation of feeling more of what you want to feel----it really adds up over time. It's like compound interest! Focus and recognize on what you want to feel and pepper in those choices, actions, and thoughts that help you to feel your core-desired-feelings through-out your day, week, month.

It's equally important to start to shift the choices and behaviors that you know ultimately take away from what you want to feel. This is easier said then done, but if you are willing, you will notice profound positive changes in your life.

What's one thing you can do this week to help you to feel the way you want to feel?

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